My hero..

Too Funny! JACK BAUER FACTS…


1) During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.
2) Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
3) Jack Bauer is the 'i' in team.
4) If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
5) If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
6) Nobody says 'hit me' when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack
7) Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
8) If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
9) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
10) Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
11) When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
12) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
13) If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
14) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
15) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
16) Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
17) It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed. 18) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
19) Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves
20) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
21) Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men
22) Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
23) If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
24) Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
25) If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
26) On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
27) Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "Jack Bauer".
28) Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
29) When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
30) Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.
31) Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
32) Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.
33) Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
34) When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer".
35) Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
36) When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
37) Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.
38) When Jack Bauer does push-ups he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.
39) There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.
40) When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
41) In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
42) Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
43) Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him. 44) When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
45) Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
46) There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
47) You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
48) Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
49) Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
50) Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
51) There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
52) In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
53) If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
54) Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.
55) If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
56) Jack Bauer doesn't play the game SORRY. Jack Bauer apologizes to no one.
57) It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."
58) When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
59) Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
60) If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow himself up, Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from Jack Bauer